Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
