Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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