Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
