they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize