You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
