Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
