my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
