If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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