My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
