I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
