I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
