I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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