Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
