We should be called the Road Head Warriors
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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