I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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