HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
