Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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