We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
