you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Is it penis luge time yet?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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