You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
