I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
