I wannas sexs uuuuu
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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