so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
