Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize