She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Someone shit on the floor
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
