Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
