is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
