new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
