I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
