my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
