I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize