All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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