Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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