apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
