I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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