He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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