when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I had to cum in my sink.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
