Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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