your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize