You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
