I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
