My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
