i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
