Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
