grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
