I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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