Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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