I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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