Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
