i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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