i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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