I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
