there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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