Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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