Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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