My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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