its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize