RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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