those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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