tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
