So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
