I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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