we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize