That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
