didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
