I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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