Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
