A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
