I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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