i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
